The Unnatural Housewife

I think I broke myself.

2012-02-12T07:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I really do. In my gungho attempt at trying new forms of exercise to get some form of a shape back I have been trying to teach myself snow boarding. We have not got the disposable income right now to pay for lessons and a friend left their snow board and boots behind after visiting. I had been looking at them with interest and when I tried the boots on decided they were definitely passably fitting.

Also, as a skier I thought I would fall into this like a pro with people gasping in awe as I glided down the hill looking ethereal and amazing. Pictures of the X games floated into my recently over used imagination and I immediately jumped on the chair lift going to the top of the smallest hill. And immediately fell right off again. Note to self, do not try to get on the lift with the board sideways, it sweeps you off.

After making it up onto the lift I realized about half way up that I didn't really have much of a clue how to get off at the top. I visualized what I had seen other people do, point forward and go straight until you stop. What I actually did was point forward, get up and immediately fall back over, at least remembering to flatten myself to the floor as the chair flew over my head.

I can definitely go straight down, stopping is getting there, turning is interesting. I smashed onto my knees and bum so much that I thought that it couldn't really get much worse. The only thing stopping me from sitting on the slope and bursting into tears in a frustrated tantrum was the group of 3 20 year oldish blokes who always seemed to be going up and down at the same time as me and at about the same level. I have never, and will never be beaten without a fight, especially by a man. And when one of them tried to give me advice as to how to get around him when he had fallen over in a condescending way, I saw red. Through sheer annoyance at him I managed, for approximately 20 seconds, to look like I knew what I was doing. I turned, I dodged, I went round the corner, I hit a pole. But they didn't see me and I decided to end on that good note.

Then yesterday, on my third attempt at boarding I went with the old man. Always a fantastic idea when my competitiveness reaches new heights whenever he's involved. I showed off enough to persuade him I could go on a different slope. I got half way down and slammed so hard on my tailbone that I actually couldn't stand up. After, persuading 3 groups of people that I REALLY did not need ski patrol to come and pull me down on a stretcher I gave in and let the old man carry my board down as I shamefully limped back to the bottom.

Suffice to say, I prescribed myself whiskey, anti inflammatories and crap TV. And the husband made a gorgeous Chicken and Okra Tagine.

On a high note, surely at least one of these aches is actually the reawakening of an ab muscle...

Chicken And Okra Tagine

I lived in the Middle East and I love love love tagines. With pathetic direction from the sofa the husband made this and it was lovely. It's incredibly simple. Again, we had to wing it as our spice cupboard is not yet fully up to speed but I'm a great fan of tasting and pottering. When it tastes good to you, serve it.

Ingredients

500 g chicken (thighs work best as they hold together better with longer cooking times)
500 g Okra (I have a bag of frozen)
1 tbsp butter
Juice of one lemon
2 cloves garlic finely chopped
inch fresh grated ginger (I freeze fresh ginger and grate it straight in)
1 small onion, finely diced
1 tin chopped tomatoes
1 tbsp tomato puree
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp dried chilli flakes (or cayenne)
1/4 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp turmeric
2 cloves
1 cup chicken stock
Salt and lots of black pepper

Preparation method

Literally throw everything into a big pot that has a lid and leave it to marinate for 40 mins.
Turn on the heat under the pot and bring it to the boil, lower the heat as low as it will go, cover and simmer for at least an hour or until the chicken is tender and the sauce has thickened, season to taste.
Serve with rice or couscous and crusty bread to mop up with.

This isn't insanity...is it?

2012-02-10T10:38:00.000-08:00

I had a friend contact me yesterday inquiring as to the state of my sanity. I was surprised and a bit put out until I realized what a change this has all been.

I used to be a banker, then a business owner, I teach people to scuba dive as a living and have been flitting about the world doing my own thing for many years. I always had money and security and was always very very busy. Then the unexpected happened, I fell in love (stick fingers down throat now) and a really annoying type of love which meant I left everything for him for nearly 2 years. We even tried to break it off as it was just going to be 'too hard'. I was back in my old life and fitting in like a glove for exactly 12 days. One conversation and one week later I was flying into the States with absolutely no idea what we were going to do. Nearly a month to the day later we were getting married and now I am in the very long process of applying for my green card. Hence unemployable. The reality really hit home when we realized that on his income alone we only just met the 125% over poverty line for this area. So now I'm a poor unnatural housewife. But it means I have got to be inventive with my cooking!

Yesterday the husband had a day off so naturally my tasks had to go on hold for the day, it wouldn't be fair to be slaving away over a mop and broom would it? So we went skiing, which I count as the exercise bit at least. The funny thing was though that we went with his 'supervisor' who when we asked at the end of the day whether he would like to join us for an apres ski beer informed us that he couldn't because he wasn't 21 yet...I think the old man did very well in his response but inside surely that must sting a bit?

We're starting again in the States and he has been in management roles since we were together but in varied fields over seas. The season in this area, based as it is ,mainly on snow, has been somewhat strained this season and he'll pretty much do anything to support us. That's what I will try to remember as I feel like burning his underwear when I find it on the floor next to the laundry basket...again.

Poor Mans Paella

I found that I had 2 hot dog sausages left over from superbowl and some pepperoni that needed eating in the fridge, as I'm learning to be frugal I decided to just give this a go. In the interests of documenting I've put my recipe for paella below but with my tweaks next to it, the good version I will save for when we can afford to buy saffron and white wine just to cook with and not to just chuck down my throat at night...

If I didn't have any of the ingredients I still would have made it and substituted even further than I did..I also put in as much as I had of anything on the list..

For 2 people; one with the appetite of 2 large and hungry workmen...

Ingredients

1/2 cup Sausage, cut into thin slices. Chorizo is the best but this is the poor mans version so anything you have, I actually had to use left over pepperoni and 2 left over thinly sliced hot dogs from Superbowl.
1/2 cup pancetta, cut into small dice. I used bacon
2 cloves garlic finely chopped
1 small onion, finely diced (spanish onion is best)
1/2 red pepper, diced
1 tsp soft thyme leaves (I buy those plastic packs of herbs and chuck them in the freezer, great for cooking, not to great for fancy sprinkling)
¼ tsp dried red chilli flakes (or cayenne if you don't have any)
1 cup calasparra (Spanish short-grain) rice (I used plain old jasmine)
1 tsp paprika
2fl oz dry white wine (was drinking my wine so omitted this and added more stock)
1 pint chicken stock,(when I can afford it I heat it with a few saffron strands, a little turmeric works for the colour if you have any)

Juice of one lemon
2 chicken thighs, each chopped in half and browned quickly on ouside
3/4 cup fresh or frozen peas (didn't have any but I chucked chopped spinach in)
2 large tomatoes, diced
3 tbs olive oil (didn't have any and used canola)
1 cup Marinara mix
Chopped flat leaf parsley (didn't have any but used coriander)
Salt and pepper

Preparation method

Heat the oil in a paella dish or heavy-based saucepan. Add the sausage and bacon and fry until crisp. (as I had to use thinly sliced hot dog I added some paprika and cayenne as well to give it some more flavour) Add the garlic, onion and pepper and heat until softened. Add the thyme, chilli flakes and rice, and stir until all the grains of rice are nicely coated and glossy. Now add the paprika and dry white wine and when it is bubbling, pour in the hot chicken stock, add the chicken thighs and cook for 5-10 minutes.
Sprinkle in the peas and chopped tomatoes and lemon juice and continue to cook gently for another 10 minutes.
Throw in the marinara mix, cover and cook for about another 5 mins. Make sure you don't over cook at this stage or the seafood goes rubbery!
Scatter the chopped parsley over the paella and serve immediately. I love having this with crusty bread.

Angel, wings only slightly singed...

2012-02-09T18:26:00.000-08:00

I am flourishing into a housewife angel, wings only slightly singed...I spent most of yesterday morning after posting 'New Beginning' pontificating on how to most efficiently tackle starting the washing up, I googled it, looks sideways on it and set up an elaborate system with the kitchen chairs with the 'correct' order of items stretching alongside the oil splattered wall. Just as I was about to dig in I thought I would just check my laptop and saw my Mum was on Skype! Well, it would have been rude not to call her wouldn't it? I got comfy with a coffee and asked her advice on my tip of a house and how to start. As a woman who hates cleaning she looked me straight in the eye and informed me"you have to get off the phone to me...and just DO it" Pearl of wisdom, why hadn't I thought of that?

So I did. I started 3 hours after I had planned to and spent 4 hours doing everythingish. And apart from the couple of times I opened drawers and just swept everything out of sight I did a pretty good job. I felt so good about myself after doing it that I put on a skirt and some lipstick to pick up the husband in.

Unbelievably and uncharacteristically the man not only noticed I had made an effort with myself, but did so immediately on getting in the car. Not only that but as soon as he walked in the door he noticed all my housework and complimented me on it...who is this and where did he put my husband?

I felt so goddess-like that I released my iron grip on our bank account and took him out, relinquished a tiny bit of power and admitted that I had been a slight pain in the arse recently. And when he tentatively and from arms length agreed with me I actually managed to swallow it with only a slight grumbled "don't bring this back on me".

So I didn't moisturize, or drink enough water, or do pilates but I'm counting the housework as exercise and reckon I actually deserve a small crown.

The Beginning

2012-02-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

A few years ago I cancelled my wedding, it was the best thing I ever did and lead to a life of travels and adventures which I thought would never end. Then I met my husband to be and it all changed.

I'm a newly married, unemployable, slightly panicking, fish out of water. I love cooking, baking bread and knitting so I'm hoping that is at least a start!

Today I have decided for the hundredth time, is the first day of my new grasp on this life. I will stop my spiraling emotions and squidgy body in their current path of destruction and start anew. Again.

In light of this new new epiphany and as I have always been told writing things down works I decided to document the new me, though a tiny part of me thinks that if I say I am going to do something here then I will actually have to do it.

Task number 1 today is - Get out of bed and tackle the fact that I actually am not blind and the house and car look like a small nuclear war head has hit them. It's great how I have learnt over the last few days how to get to the bathroom without actually opening my eyes.That way I can pretend that the kitchen in fact does not exist. Especially the bit where I tripped up yesterday in my goddess like way and threw hot oil all down the wall.

Task number 2 - do exercise. At least a bit anyway. I do in fact know how to do pilates from years ago when I didn't need it but enjoyed the comedy of the strange noises and giggles of the group of girls and the very tight spandex pants of the well hung instructor.

Task number 3 - moisturize my wobbly bits in the hope that cellulite does in fact disappear. This is war. I am going to do everything right, drink water, exercise, brush and smooth until SOMETHING happens in this area. It's like it appeared over night. Or maybe it's just that I now have time to look in the mirror. A lot of time. Note to self: using two mirrors to get a really good look at your back view is decidedly not a good idea. Ignorance is bliss.

Task number 4 - Stop being a slightly insecure, needy, emotional, sensitive, right royal pain in the arse to the man. Not that I will ever admit it to him but I don't recognize me right now so it has to stop. I'm surprised he hasn't run off screaming, I would if he acted like that.

That seems like enough for today, now maybe I could just start in 10 minutes and have another coffee..........